After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
