Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
