R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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