$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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