I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
