Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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