I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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