Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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