Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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