His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
