thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
