He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
