Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
