i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
