and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
