the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
