Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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