Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
