i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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