It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
