Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
