you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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