it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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