I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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