wrigley field is MILF paradise
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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