I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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