We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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