4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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