Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
