i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
