everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
