how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
