I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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