He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
