I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
