READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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