So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
