Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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