It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
