it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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