just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
