I'm going to jail i love you
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
