Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
