well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
