you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
