I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
