Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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