Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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