and you said cock pushups were impossible
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
