You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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